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HAZARDOUS
MATERIALS
MATERIAL
SAFETY DATA SHEET
ELEMENT: WOMAN
DICOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 pounds, but is known to vary
from 100 to
550 pounds.
Atomic weight: accepted as 118 pounds but is known to vary
from 100-160
pounds.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface ussually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing,freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to
common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold,
silver, platinum and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for
no known reason.
May explode spontaneously if left alone
with a male.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
saturation in
alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink, when discovered in the
natural state.
2. Turns green when placed besides a better specimen.
HAZARDS:
1. Highly illegal except in experienced hands.
2. Highly illegal to possess more than one except in certain
areas ( eg.
California, etc)
MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN
- A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN SYMBOL:
EGO
ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to
360 lbs
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered
by accident one day when she had a
craving
for ribs.
OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas.
Highly concentrated
deposits
at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars".
Extremely
low quantities can be found in any location where
cleaning
up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some
areas, soft in others.
2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with
Logic & Common Sense.
3) Melts if treated like a God.
4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle
with extreme caution.
5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging
from deeply sensitive
to extremely thick.
6) Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is
applied; yields only
when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery
are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious
and semi-precious
metals and stones (See Jewelery
Store). However, is attracted
to
small quantities of these when viewed
worn against the skin of a
woman.
It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned
to create a highly magnetic
attraction for this element.
2) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3) Requires copious quantities of substances known as
attention,
reassurance, and stroking.
4) When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and
will repel most
other elements.
5) Is repelled by most household appliances and common
household cleansers.
6) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers,
particularly those
of the malodorous variety.
7) Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the
items in #5 & #6.
8) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9) Is impervious to embarrassment.
10) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to
woman.
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