Women and Men

ON NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for lunch, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
ON EATING OUT
Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though the bill's only $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
ON MONEY
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
ON BATHROOMS
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, tooth paste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
ON ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
ON CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
ON THE FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
ON SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
ON MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
ON DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
ON NATURE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
ON OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
AND FINALLY...
Any married man will forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

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